Why are you here?
That’s what we want to talk about today.
We need to look at what makes you really do what you do.
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Everything on earth has a purpose and you do too.
That purpose provides an inner drive that once you tap into it can give your life immense fulfilment.
It will also give you certainty because right now we are in a world that’s changing so rapidly. Every time you turn around you hear about something else that’s changing.
I personally get to deal with hundreds of thousands of people per year; I see about 250,000 people in my live programs, I hear so much excitement and so much fear about the pace of change.
We have all talked about the pace of change happening so rapidly now and paradigm shifts. All this stuff has become so overused to this point that we become numb to it but it’s true.
Never in the history of the world have things changed so rapidly. So you need to find something that is external inside of yourself. That no matter what changes on the surface, this part of you does not change, it’s the part you come back to, the part that guides you, the part that really makes you fulfilled and that’s your purpose.
Because all of a sudden when you find out that a friend got cancer or you turn around and see that 35,000 people at IBM got laid off or an entire industry disappears overnight because a new one was created it gives you a way to find some good in virtually anything.
Your purpose is available to you at any moment in your life but you got to know what it is.
Before we get into it, let me back up a little bit. I have a friend who is one of the most successful people in the country. He works in all these financial markets, he’s an incredible successful business man and I know he is working very hard right now on a goal. I went to visit him recently, boy he is working hard and he is going to achieve that goal but when the goal is finally there he is going to be happy and I thought no no no.
Each moment we got to be able to find some sense of meaning for our life, something that is significant, something that is useful and we all know this. This isn’t a new conversation, but as your coach and your friend in these tapes I would like to draw your attention to some things that maybe you know but haven’t thought about for a while. Maybe get you to put some of your focus on the most important area of your life which is enhancing meaning.
You see all of us in life have to have a reason to be here. If all you are doing out there is going out and trying to achieve goals and then you achieve them, sure you have run into that trip up wire that says already I’ve achieved the goal and now what. You achieve the goal and your brain says is this all there is.
The purpose of a goal, as I’ve shared with you many times, is not to achieve the goal. The purpose of the goal is what it makes of us as people, who we become. Ultimately we have to have a sense of who we have become has some kind of meaning. Without that there isn’t a reason to live, not a reason to get up, there’s not a reason to go out there and make it happen.
What’s really controlling this man’s life is fear. When they say they are cynical, pessimistic, what they are really screaming out to you is I’m scared out of my mind, I’m afraid to dream again, I’m afraid to think about what’s possible, I’m afraid to really put myself on the line and go for something and stand for something, I want to put myself on the line in a relationship, a business or my vision to make a difference in the world. May be at one time this person did that, maybe they tried it several times and it didn’t work and they got pain and pain and pain and pretty soon they didn’t want the pain so they stopped dreaming, they stopped envisioning, they stopped coming up with meaning and instead they tried to keep themselves away from the pain by saying “well there’s no meaning in it all anyway”.
Unfortunately that gives you the ultimate pain because it gives you a life without meaning and no one can live a life that’s fulfilled without meaning.
See we have been put here for a reason, question is why and the answer I think is different for every one of us, it’s different for me that it is for you and yet it is the same.
Every one of us has been here and every one of us is unique and different and special. I believe our creator and I use the word God, if I may, God has put you here for a reason.
Question is what is it?
God does not create things without a purpose.
Everything on earth serves a purpose.
Why are you here?
What are you here to do?
What are you here to become, to create and to give?
These are some of the most significant questions that you can answer in your life and even when you answer them I’m sure as your life expands you will come up with better answers as you get more experience and get closer in touch with your inner most being and maybe closer in touch with your creator as well.
You say Tony where are you going with this?
I’m really going to the essence of giving your life what you deserve, which is knowing that there are no mistakes, knowing that every little thing you do has a consequence. It can be a positive consequence if you choose it. The most powerful thing that has consequence in your life though is the thing we talk about so often, but I got to say it again, that’s really ultimately shaping our lives are our decisions.
The first decision is the decision on what to focus on.
Where your focus goes is going to determine how you think, feel, what you do, ultimately what your life turns out like, what you are able to contribute. The bottom line is we must find an empowering focus out of any situation.
The second decision that shapes our life and the meaning of our life is the decision we make about what something means. Meaning is something we ultimately determine. That’s the exciting part about it and that’s the scary part about it.
And the third decision, of course, is what are you going to do when something happens. See, so much of the fear we see in life comes from the fact that most of us don’t feel like we are in control. We are running around trying to control all the events of our lives and every single one of us is going to experience multiple situations in our life that, no matter how skilful we are where we cannot control the event. Where it is not something we can control because we didn’t initiate it. Anytime you are dealing with other people this is going to happen and anytime you are dealing with Mother Nature this is going to happen. Most of us in life are so afraid that something is going to happen that we can’t control, therefore we are going to get pain that we try to avoid those things we can’t control. We try to shape our lives, where we spend our time, who we spend our time with, what we do, by environments we feel really comfortable in, where we feel like we are really in control, but what that does is limit the shape and quality of our life.
We have got to be willing to put ourselves out there to discover what we are really capable of, where we are put in environments where we don’t know what to do and what things mean, we’re not sure. It’s in those environments that we grow the most.
It’s in those environments that we discover more of our true purpose as human beings. It’s there that our character is shaped.
You know so many times we set goals, we have dreams, we have plan and work our tail off and it doesn’t come off the way we want and a lot of people come out of those situations disillusioned or angry or resentful or frustrated, they look for someone to blame.
You know sometimes I really truly believe that not getting your goal is part of the design, it’s part of the game plan, causing you to dig inside and discover more of yourself, to really begin to use your real capacity as a human being, those traits that are within you only expand when they are challenged, when demands are made upon them.
You know I truly believe that God is not so much interested in our convenience as he is in our character. And I also believe because something hasn’t happened right away when you wanted it, doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. It’s really a test of how committed are you, really a test design to make you become more.
God’s delays are not God’s denials, unless you give up of course.
If you don’t do your part then, of course, whatever you have envisioned will never come to be, but we have to continue to put ourselves forth and know that events will show up that we can’t control.
So let me ask you a question.
How do you ever have a sense of certainty in a world that’s changing all the time, where you set goals and do all the right things and still doesn’t always turn out right?
How do you live in a world where suddenly something can happen and take away your whole business or a storm can come and take your home or some calamity could happen to your personal family, a disease could hit or someone could die?
How do you deal with all that?
And the answer is you have to know the one thing you can control is not events. What you control is what things mean to you and there in comes the secret to life because no matter what happens in your life, the meaning of what has happened is yours. You get to determine it as long as you are conscious and don’t allow the people around to teach you what to think and as long as you don’t go on automatic pilot and allow your nervous system to make up connections that are false.
Let me give you an example of what happens to people, certainly by now you realise that what you do as a human being is primarily driven by your need to avoid pain and your desire for pleasure, but all of us have learnt through life that certain things mean more pain than others and so some people are by their fear. Their experience of the emotion of fear is the most painful they ever imagined so they will do anything to avoid being in a fearful situation.
Other people are driven by the desire to feel a sense of adventure, obviously they make decisions differently, and they focus on different things in life. They can walk in the same room as someone who lives in fear and they are going to notice different things, they are going to want to sit in a different place, they are going to want to try a different kind of vacation than someone who is trying to focus on how to be secure.
What drives you?
Are you driven by guilt?
Are you driven by your past?
The word drive really means to guide, to control or direct something.
So what’s guiding you, controlling you, directing you your behaviour?
What’s directing your focus?
What’s directing the meaning you are pulling from your life?
What is it?
Is it your parents, is it the competition you have with somebody else, is it wanting to prove somebody wrong, is it your desire to contribute, is it your desire for joy or happiness or is it a sense of purpose driving you, a sense of something out there for you to do, something you are designed to evolve into, become, to share, to give, to create, you don’t even know what it is but you are willing to trust that each day more is going to come out.
See what ever drives you that is what’s shaping your life and the challenges that most of us never consciously decide what we are going to have drive our life.
We are not stimulus response animals but we can be stimulus response animals. Our nervous system is designed to help us, designed to be a source of decision making, designed to help us very quickly when we have an experience to figure out what is the source of that pain so we can avoid it in the future, what is the source of that pleasure so we can more of it in the future.
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